• This extremely well-dressed and
successful young executive was driving to a meeting
when he found that the front left tire on his Lexus
was flat.
• "What am I going to do?" he thought. But then he
saw a gas station up ahead. It was a rundown shack
with a grizzled man in overalls sitting on a porch
with pools of oil, but at least it was a gas
station; in the window was a large sign saying "help
wanted". The executive drove up and got out of the
car and explained the situation.
• "Why sure!" said the mechanic "I'm lookin' for a
boy to work for me and help me out, so we're kinda
short-handed. . .".
• He looked over the dapper, dignified and
impeccably dressed executive's very expensive navy
blue pinstriped business suit, his imported silk tie
and gleaming cufflinks and white shirt, his polished
black shoes, his hundred dollar haircut and his
$1500 briefcase.
• "My name is Bud! You must be one of them
executives!" said the mechanic. "I can tell by your
classy kicks!"
• "My WHAT?" snapped the exec.
• "Your KICKS! Your SHOES! Mighty classy, sir!"
grinned the mechanic.
• Yes. . .yes. Well, the FIRST thing people notice are
your shoes!" said the executive in a condescending
tone, as he straightened his tie and checked the
shine on his shoes. "My name is Mr. James Porter. . .I
am making an important presentation today! My whole
career depends on it. Now please get to work! What
are you doing?!"
• Bud was pulling out a huge pail of water. "You get
a free car wash today, sir! I sure wish I had a boy
to work for me - I gotta do this all myself!"
• "I don't have time for that!" cried Mr. Porter.
• "You wouldn't know anybody who would WORK for me,
would you, sir?" asked Bud.
• "NO!" snapped Mr. Porter.
• "I should have known! Somebody who wears classy
kicks like you do wouldn't know any grease monkeys!"
• "GET TO WORK" snapped Mr. Porter
• "Now, don't worry! You upper class folks are
always worryin'!" And at that moment, Bud's foot hit
the pail of water, and it toppled over, completely
soaking Mr. Porter's expensively shod feet.
• "NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!" yelled Mr. Porter.
"My feet are DRENCHED through! SOAKED! Do you know
how much these shoes cost! Someone like YOU doesn't
have to worry about this!"
• "Oh, sir! Please accept my apology! All over your
fancy high class shoes! Well, it's a fine day. . .just
take off yer shoes and socks and let them dry! Nobody
is gonna see ya!"
• "Take off my shoes and socks! I suppose I have no
choice! I'm just glad that my colleagues can't see
this!" said Mr. Porter, as he sat on the porch and
slowly, grudgingly slid his feet out of his highly
polished black Brooks Brothers shoes and then peeled
off his business socks. Bud picked up the shoes and
whistled with admiration.
• "Mighty fancy!" he said, with a grin. "Ya know,
you look like you belong here now that yer
barefoot!"
• "Put my shoes down immediately!" said Mr. Porter
coldly.
• Mr. Porter carefully arranged his suit and tie as
if to make up for the indignity of going barefoot.
• "Lemme show ya somethin', Mister Porter" said Bud,
who got into the car and drove it forward - and ran
over Mr. Porter's briefcase, ruining it.
• "MY BRIEFCASE!" yelled the businessman.
• "Sorry, sir! But I have to tell ya something!"
said Bud, who was bending over the engine.
• "I didn't ask you to look at the engine" shouted
Mr. Porter. "You destroyed my briefcase!!"
• "But you got a problem!" said Bud. "Look! Get
closer!"
• Mr. Porter leaned over the engine. "I don't see
anything. . ."
• "Closer!" said Bud.
• "I still don't. . ." and Mr. Porter began to lift his
head, and felt himself stuck.
• "My tie!" he yelled. "My necktie. . .and my
suspenders! They're caught in the engine!"
• "Look what ya done, sir! I'll get ya free!"
• "I DIDN'T DO THIS!" yelled Mr. Porter, but he
couldn't move at all. His tie and his suspenders had
gotten tied up in the engine. . ..Somehow.
• "Now just hold still!" said Bud, and in a moment,
Mr. Porter was free, and his tie and suspenders were
in Bud's hands.
• "ARE YOU INSANE?!" yelled Mr. Porter. "Give me
those. . ."
• "Mr. Porter" said Bud, ignoring the comment. "I'm
gonna need yer help in getting' that tire out of the
back, and then you gotta help me get the new one -
it's underneath an old engine. I can't lift 'em, ya
see. I got lumbago. It's too bad I ain't got a boy
to work for me!"
• "What?!" said Mr. Porter. "You expect ME to do it?
Look at this suit! This is a two thousand dollar
suit! It was tailored for me. I can't get it dirty,
and this is a silk tie! And a hundred dollar shirt!
I'm an executive. . .I don't do menial work. . ."
• "I'm sorry, sir. . ." said Bud. "There's no other way!
I know! Why don't ya take off yer nice suit? I got a
fine pair of overalls for ya!"
• "This is an outrage!" cried Mr. Porter. "I will
NOT take off my suit! I have my dignity and my
pride!"
• "Then you'll have yer dignity and yer pride but
you won't get a new tire" said Bud.
• Mr. Porter stomped and fumed but finally gave in
and angrily stripped off his pinstriped business
suit, his cufflinks and his starched white shirt and
placed them on a wooden table. Then he put on the
greasy overalls and pulled the tire out of the
trunk.
• But just then his bare feet hit a patch of oil,
and he staggered backwards and fell; the filthy tire
fell on top of him. He felt his head hit something
soft. Bud ran over and said: "Mr. Porter, it's a
good thing your head hit the tar! It broke yer
fall!"
• The executive pushed the tire off, and felt the
grease, gravel and tar all over his t-shirt and his
face. He lifted what had been a manicured hand to
his head and felt a mass of something gooey.
• "My hair!" Mr. Porter yelled, as he stood.
• "I gotta cut that tar out, sir! It ain't gonna
come out any other way!" and he pulled out some
scissors and with a few quick snips, the executive's
neat haircut was replaced by a patchy crewcut.
• "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" yelled Mr. Porter.
• "Here, this will calm ya down!" Bud shoved a
bottle of whiskey into Mr. Porter's hand and poured
solme of it on his shirt.
• "NO!" yelled the executive. "LOOK AT ME, YOU
IDIOT!"
• "Leave me alone! Help, police!" screamed Bud. He
grabbed Mr. Porter's cell phone and called the
police and then called the newspaper.
• In a moment the police were there.
• Bud whimpered: "This man is drunk! Just smell him,
officer! And tried to beat me up! and rob the till!"
• "I DID NOT!" shouted Mr. Porter.
• "Assault, robbery, disorderly conduct, resisting
arrest, drunkenness...you're coming with me!"
• And the policeman dragged the struggling Mr.
Porter, barefoot in overalls off to jail.
• The next day the judge prepared to sentence Mr.
Porter while they all looked at the newspaper with
the headline: Drunk Thief Jailed for Assault and
Robbery.
• But Bud said; "Your honor, don't put this man
behind bars! He ATTACKED me, but, I'll allow him to
make it up to me - I got an idea!"
• A month later, a customer drove up to Bud's and
Bud called his new assistant to wait on him. A man
in overalls and work boots and a crew cut came out
and started to work on the car.
• "JIMMY BOY! Don't forget the oil! You ex-cons are
always slow!"
• "YES, SIR!" said Jimmy-boy Porter.
• A Porsche with a "for sale" sign sat outside.
• A help wanted sign lay in the garbage.
• In the window was an Italian pinstriped business
suit, a silk tie, a white shirt, and a pair of cuff
links with a "for sale" sign.
• "Don't forget what I told ya!" snapped Bud.
• "But, please..." said Jimmy-boy.
• "NOW!" yelled Bud.
• Jimmy-boy sighed and went up to the customer.
• "Sir, we have a special today - with an oil
change, you can buy these real cheap."
• He held up a pair of very expensive polished
business shoes.
• "These are for sale. One pair of classy kicks -
once worn by a former executive - best offer - silk
socks included. After all, the first thing people
notice are your shoes."
